My Dumping Ground

People need to understand that the relief of leaving this fucked up world is an acceptable option and doesn't mean anyone failed me or I them. Living a painful life is just too much sometimes but it doesn't mean I don't love the people that might miss me. The negativity I infect the ones I love with is a valid reason to remove myself from inflicting any more pain. I sincerely hope that they understand that this is as much for them as it is for me.

Mental illness is real and sometimes it MUST be understood to be fatal.

I feel uncomfortable and distressed all the time. My body feels swollen. No clothing feels remotely big or loose enough. My muscles are weak everywhere. I can't even sit comfortably in any way. I'm not sure when the last time was that I could lie down. Totally physically ruined....

I don't know what this will be. Hopefully a place to be totally honest with myself? I don't think anyone will ever read this so really this can be my cyber-confessional. I'm so tired of this life. I've been thinking for ages about what my future could hold but have mostly come to the conclusion that I'm just done. If my mental & physical health were to return today I still can't come up with what I could possibly do with more time.